Teletubby Tinky Winky testifies

Falwell goes to hell

Hot news sent to us from a friend in the know in Nebraska –

Lynchburg – Scandal struck the Falwell family today when a secret will was discovered leaving most of his estate to Tinky-Winky the Teletubby.

Rumors that the Reverend Falwell had carried on a secret affair with the television star were vehemently denied by Falwell’s family, which is contesting the will in court. Family spokesman Totle Biggit announced, “There was no affair. Reverend Falwell may have spent time with Tinky-Winky, but only to bring him the word of the Lord. He was always reaching out to media figures in an attempt to save them from evil influences. Whether it was weekend spiritual retreats in Key West with Tinky-Winky, going to Streisand concerts with Big Bird or watching gladiator movies with Bert and Ernie, Reverand Falwell did whatever it took to spread the good word.”

Tinky-Winky himself only recently came forward with his tale of a secret and stormy affair, “Publicy he denied me three times before the cock crowed, but he always came crawling back with his endearing little “I don’t know how to quit you.’ He may have engaged in some verbal gay bashing, but secretly he hated all forms of gay bashing, unless you count all the times he tied me up and went at me with the cat-o-nine tails. Truly ours was the love that dare not speak its name.”

When asked about some of the Reverend’s more controversial comments, Tinky-Winky responded, “I know it sounds strange but deep down he was a kind person who felt horrible about the things he had to say publicly. He did it to keep his followers happy and the money rolling in. He didn’t really think gays were responsible for 9-11, he knew it was all the fault of the Catholics and the Jews.”

We have no problem whatsoever speaking ill of the dead Moral Moronity leader Falwell.

He was a particularly noxious far right-winger – a gay bashing, apartheid supporting bigot. Falwell’s lambasting of Tinky Winky can only be described as bizarre. Yet those who protest the loudest about moral depravity almost invariaby have hidden, smutty secrets – thus we can speculate with glee about Falwell’s hidden proclivities.

2 Replies to “Teletubby Tinky Winky testifies”

  1. Christopher Hitchens’ contribution to the dead gladdies on Jerry’s corpse isn’t bad either.

    A snippet:

    Seeking to deflect the charge of anti-Jewish prejudice, Falwell adopted the cause of the most thuggish and demented Israeli settlers, proclaiming that their occupation of the West Bank and Gaza was a holy matter and hoping that they might help to bring on Armageddon and the return of the Messiah. A detail in this ghastly narrative, as adepts of the “Left Behind” series will know, is that the return of the risen Christ will require the mass slaughter or mass conversion of all Jews. This consideration did not prevent Menachem Begin from awarding Falwell the Jabotinsky Centennial Medal in 1980 and has not inhibited other Israeli extremists from embracing him and his co-thinkers ever since. All bigots and frauds are brothers under the skin.

  2. Found a great eulogy by JD Rhoades to Falwell’s spectre.

    We particularly liked this bit:

    With his so-called “Moral Majority,” Jerry Falwell created the concept that later evolved into the idea of the so-called “Republican Base,” that hard core of True Believers who, if properly motivated, can put you just over the 51 percent you need to win an election. And once you’re in, you’re in. You can tell that other 49 percent — millions of Americans — to go, quite literally, to hell. Jerry Falwell helped create modern American political discourse.

    So let’s not dwell on the tragedy of Jerry Falwell’s death. Let us remember the legacy that he left behind. And let us pray that somehow, someday, we can recover from it.

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