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Mr Speaker Stand Up

Scummo

Cando Bullshit

A lot of people from down south jibe and sneer at Queensland and us banana benders, especially those of us who don’t live in the city. You live 50 years in the past, they reckon. Well i’m here to tell you we in the Noosa hinterland are as erudite and edumacated as any of those Antarcticans. And if Queensland wasn’t so great, why have they been moving up here from down south in droves since the Covid hit? why do so many of them holiday in Noosa? why are they buying up all our houses?

So I decided to prove how in touch we are round here, by interviewing people in the local Cooran shop and asking them about our one and only prime monster, Scummo. Yeah, so Queensland gave Canberra the ghoulish Pauline Hanson, Malcolm Roberts, George Christenson, Matt Canavan, Potatohead and a couple of Mad Katters, but look what we got in return? and now he’s reckoning we can’t go to coffee shops in Briso? bollocks mate, we’ve barely noticed lockdowns. It’s him with his vaccine strollout who hasn’t noticed, the way he never notices how many times he says “Mr Speaker” in Question Time. But we notice.

Here’s a good one Laurie from round the corner told me.

A liar, a dogwhistling opportunist and an incompetent leader walk into a bar.
The bartender says “What can I get you, Mr Morrison?”

So you didn’t get it? wake the fuck up, Scummo relies on you mob being half asleep to pull the wool right over yer eyes.

Scummo doesn’t hold a hose to folks round these parts. As long time local Carol told me, the only hose he actually holds is his own and even then he doesn’t know what to do with it.

Then there’s Annie, who’s worked from home as an artist for years before covid. Here’s her sparkling wit.

This bloke went to a job interview and they asked about his work ethic.

He said, “I don’t give a fuck about my work colleagues getting death threats or raped or sexually harassed, just as long as someone takes lots of photos when I get a haircut instead of working.”

And they said …

Congratulations Prime Minister, when can you start?

Yeah, people round here are woke to Scummo’s foibles, we don’t put up with the prick. Terry reckoned he heard he could walk on water, but the real miracle is Scummo swims with the sharks down the Goldy and they line up on either side of him – it’s professional courtesy.

Scummo says it’s the Australian way, but what’s that? witch-burning? He’s taking us back to medieval times with this religious ‘freedom’ bill so nasty people can be racists and bigots again.

We’re not silly here, we all know religion’s just another blokey con job to keep us preggers in the kitchen and bringing the bloke his beer. Though it was a miracle Scummo got elected. That’s the last real truth I remember him telling us. My mate Jacky who works for the local rag, her journo mate down south asked him:

“Mr Morrison, what’s your favourite lie you’ve told the public?”
“I’ve never told a lie in public,” Scummo says.
“That’s my favourite too!” she replied.

Now he’s hawking hollow gibberish about climate change mitigation. We know he’s up to his eyeballs in coal, his precious. You can’t trust the bugger as far as you can throw him. The planet will fry, we’re all going to hell on earth, never mind the afterlife.

What’s the difference between Australia and hell?
Scott Morrison hasn’t managed to fuck up hell yet.

So what is a Morrison promise worth?
Net zero. Just ask the French.

Do you know what the mummy sardine said to the baby sardine when they saw the nuclear sub?

“Hey sonny, there goes a tin of scared Aussies.”

Now that’s critical technology, forty years late. When Scummo rants on about critical technology it reminds me of a joke at Tourism Australia when he was CEO, before he got the arse as he always does after his lies catch up with him. If his PA was off sick or on leave it was pointless expecting an answer to any emails. She wasn’t there to log him on to the system.

Scummo’s election pitch about government interferring in people’s lives is another joke. His same sex marriage bigotry, Indue card, Robodebt, alleged rape and FOI cover ups and religious discrimination laws all interfer in peoples’ lives. He talks from both sides of his mouth. Who else is sick of his coddling of neo-nazis? Just like his roll-out stroll-out … his call-out of the far right was a crawl-out. Ben at the shop told me this one.

What’s the difference between Neil Erikson and Scummo?
Neil is an honest self-proclaimed neo-Nazi.

Have I thrown you lot into enough of a spin yet?

Rightyo, folks, now I’m not going for a Scummo break – leaving in the middle of a crisis – I’m off to meet up with my mate from Melbourne who’s double vaxxed and tested clear so he can visit Queensland and not infect us the way Scummo wants us to be so he can claim a Labor state failed to do its job. Have a good one and remember to put the LNP crime family last on the ballot, the way they put our future last with their lies, dirty kick backs, net zero cred promises and pickled pork for their mates.

Jinjirrie
November 2021

(This is a standup exercise, to be performed in a broad Queensland accent.)

Addendum

Q. What’s the difference between #Omicron and #Scomicron?
A. One lays you out straight in bed, the other can’t lie straight in bed.

The Paradoxical Parable of Patriarchy

Rooxette

Be careful with women in a group which contains men. Many are colonised colonisers who perform shamelessly to attract male attention, neglecting to support airtime for and positions of other women.

If you call this out, don’t be surprised if you’re cast as a pariah.

Be aware you will never be appreciated by such shallow women. They are occupied, coddling the men they’re attempting to impress.

Your power to mollify these females can only be obtained by beating them at their own game which ironically reinforces the colonial paradigm. Try satire instead.

(June 2021 – experimenting with 100 written words.)

Poetry in the Time of COVID19

Feeding the Chooks

Schadenfreude

For decades they sneered
at us backward banana benders,
behind by 50 years they reckon,
we endured Bjelke’s curses of faded kitchen curtains,
daylight farm slaving and cow’s milk curdling,
fly with the crows, you get shot with the crows
as he fed the chooks, gloating.
Well, birds fly south for the summer,
and not this time, we’re roosting up north,
safe on our parochial perches.
Who’s laughing now? eh eh eh?
We already have your footballers
locked in our hubs –
yet laugh too soon, maties, and the boot
can be on the other foot in a few days …
Pride is the deadliest, most subtle sin.
Plagues follow science, not rhetoric in tabloid beatups,
thrive on denial, superstition, conspiracist ignorance.
Fertilised by desperation, selfishness and carelessness,
the toll is belling for us all.

Jinjirrie, August 2020

Get Real!

Blow me down in a cyclone!

‘Some key Israeli figures — including President Reuven Rivlin, Diaspora Minister Naftali Bennett, Defense Minister Avigdor Liberman and opposition figures Avi Gabbay, Tzipi Livni and Yair Lapid — have followings that are more than 60% artificial.’

Be assured that I do not indulge in desperate fake follower tactics – here’s the proof.

Twitter Audit

You can obtain your own free audit at twitteraudit dot com – let me know how you go @Jinjirrie or comment on this post.

Similarly, my blog doesn’t buy fans though encouragement and support for my consistent effort over the years writing political content and poetry are greatly appreciated, either intangible or tangible. Donations to fund my writing are happily accepted – scribes cannot dine on their own words alone!

Bi Bi Pro Amerikkkan in the Obamanation now Bin Laden is Dead

Stunningly hilarious take on an enormously nauseating theme!

Obamation

“This track is not an attack upon the American people
It is an attack upon the system within which they live
Since 1945 the united states has attempted to
Overthrow more than 50 foreign governments
In the process the us has caused the end of life
For several million people, and condemned many millions
More to a live of agony and despair

[Verse 1]
The strength of your dreamin
Prevents you from reason
The American dream
Only makes sense if you’re sleepin

Its just a cruel fantasy
Their politics took my voice away
But their music gave it back to me

The land where the lumpen are consumed by consumption
Killing themselves to shovel down food and abundance
I guess a rapper from Britain is a rare voice
America is capitalism on steroids

Natives kept in casinos and reservations
Displaced slaves never given reparations
Take everything from Native Americans
And wonder why I call it the racist experiment

Afraid of your melanin
The same as it’s ever been
That aint gonna change
With the race of the president

I see imperialism under your skin tone
You could call it Christopher Columbus syndrome

[Chorus 2x]
Is it Obama’s nation or an abomination?
Is it Obama’s nation or an abomination?
Is it Obama’s nation or an abomination?
Doesn’t make any difference when they bomb your nation

O! Say can you see by the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through perilous fight
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming

[Verse 2]
The worlds entertainer
The worlds devastator
From Venezuela
To Mesopotamia

Your cameras lie
Cause they have to hide the savage crimes

Committed on leaders that happen
To try and nationalize

Eating competitions while the worlds been starvin
Beat up communism with the help of bin-laden
Where would your war of terror be without that man
Every day you create more Nidal Hassans

Kill a man from the military, you’re a weirdo
But kill a bloke from the Middle East you’re a hero
Your country is causing screams that are never reaching ear holes
America inflicted a million ground zeros

Follow the dollar and swallow your humanity
Soldiers committing savagery you never even have to see
Those mad at me, writing in emails angrily
Im not anti-America, America is anti-me

[Chorus 2x]
Is it Obama’s nation or an abomination?
Is it Obama’s nation or an abomination?
Is it Obama’s nation or an abomination?
Doesn’t make any difference when they bomb your nation

And the rocket’s red glare,
The bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night
That our flag was still there,

O! Does that star spangled banner yet wave
O’er land of the free and the home of the brave

[Verse 3]
I don’t care if him and Cheney are long lost relations
What matters more is the policies I lost my patience
Stop debating bringing race into conversation
Occupation and cooperation equals profit makin

Its over – people wake up from the dream now
Nobel peace prize, jay z on speed dial
Its the substance within, not the color of your skin
Are you the puppeteer or the puppet on the string

So many believe that they was instantly gonna change
There was still Dennis Ross, Brzezinski And Robert Gates
What happened to Chas freeman (AIPAC),
What happened to Tristan Anderson its a machine that keeps that man breathing

I have the heart to say what all the other rappers aren’t
Words like Iraq, Palestine – Afghanistan
The wars on, and you morons were all wrong
I call Obama a bomber Cause those are your bombs”

– Lowkey

Palestine / Israel Links

Techno music scene dives into the BDS debate : DJ Ewan Pearson supports BDS wholeheartedly : ‘It is not about me deciding whether I should go to Israel or not, but rather whether I am going to listen to the wishes of the Palestinian people at a time when not nearly enough others are doing so.’

Groove Column: on not DJing in Israel (April 2011)

I have always quietly turned gigs in Israel down, appalled by the accounts I’ve read of the Occupation, the mistreatment of its Palestinian population and recently the blockade on Gaza. The systematic manner in which one set of citizens is being de-humanised parallels the South African Apartheid era when I first heard music and political protest linked and became aware of musicians refusing to travel in order to draw attention to a political situation.

But music transcends politics doesn’t it? Not at all. If music is of and about the world it has to engage it. Musicians are not ambassadors with carte blanche to go where we like as we’re spreading an implicit message of love. Too damn easy. Sometimes we have to say tougher and less palatable stuff, in this case that the actions of a purportedly democratic government in the name of a decent people are doing them massive harm, and the rest of us too as we sit idly by.

Art and politics at their best are about imagining yourself in someone else’s place, trying to feel what someone in quite different circumstances is experiencing. This is where solidarity comes from. I have more in common with a left-leaning cosmopolitan raver in Tel Aviv than a Palestinian in the occupied territories, but to go there and DJ is to say the status quo is fine, that it’s OK to forget about what’s happening for a moment. To paraphrase Israeli journalist Gideon Levy, it’s buying an alcoholic friend a bottle of scotch when you should be phoning AA.

House music’s most famous political message – that one day the oppressed will be emancipated and find the Promised Land – is derived from the Torah, from the laments of Jews exiled in Egypt and Babylon. Today it seems more appropriate to the plight of their Palestinian brothers and sisters. Until that’s no longer the case, I have to write stuff like this over playing records, smiling and telling everyone “It’s Alright”.

“We see culture as a propaganda tool of the first rank, and… do not differentiate between propaganda and culture” – Nissim Ben-Sheetrit, spokesperson of the Israeli Foreign Ministry, 2005

Presenters pull out of Australia Limmud abhorring Limmud’s ‘banning of ideas’
Israel company sanctioned by US for ties to Iran
Henry Siegman backs the Brzezsinski et al peace construct, what the US could do to create two states, and notes what will happen if the US fails to insist upon a peace plan delivering rights to Palestinian – ‘an inevitable and unstoppable wave of delegitimization’.
Robert Fisk: ‘Having read all of the “Palestine Papers” which Al-Jazeera revealed, there is no doubt that “Palestine’s” official negotiators will go to any lengths to produce some kind of statelet. Mahmoud Abbas, who managed to write a 600-page book on the “peace process” without once mentioning the word “occupation”, could even cave in over the UN project, fearful of Obama’s warning that it would be an attempt to “isolate” Israel and thus de-legitimise the Israeli state – or “the Jewish state” as the US president now calls it. But Netanyahu is doing more than anyone to delegitimise his own state; indeed, he is looking more and more like the Arab buffoons who have hitherto littered the Middle East.’
Israel has to accept that the Arab Spring changes the game
Can Palestine become a United Nations member state? (dissents from Uniting for Peace res)
Arabs Seek UN Palestine Recognition

UN General Assembly president Joseph Deiss had said that to be recognized at the UN, a Palestinian state will need the support of all five veto-wielding permanent members of the Security Council.

India pledges support for Palestine
For Zionism, Jewish children are as expendable as Palestinian and Arab children, unless they serve its colonial goals. In light of this, it becomes clear that it is not simply the Jewishness or Arabness of children that makes them expendable or not, but their insertion into a political project as figures that can advance its goals or constitute obstacles to them.
Palestinians Thirsty for Justice : Israel’s water heist

Egypt Links

One of my favourite journalists is in hot water with the SCAF – this goes to illustrate the Egyptian military regime is malign when it comes to legitimate democratic criticism.
What Hossam El Hamalawy and Reem Maged said to be summoned

Other Links

Why the new ASIO bill must be stopped
Derek Barry deconstructs the current filthy Murdercrat tilt at the ABC