A Swing to the ABC

Kerry O’Brien’s delightful gaffe that there was ‘a swing to the ABC’ in Bennelong aroused our elated mirth at the woes of the rodent as the eloquent and lovely Maxine McKew looked poised to take his seat. The presence of the Chaser team in the outer election commentary area and prior interview of a non-committal Craig Reucassel had perhaps influenced his thoughts.

For the government under Rudd will be certain to attend to the needs of our ailing dear Aunty, debilitated by the mercantilist, corporate media influenced, wowserish rodent pack. Essential to the health of our similarly diseased democracy, our ABC is headed for better days.

Around the nation as the landslide results became clear, the joy was palpable. We were swilling our third bottle of pink champagne by the time Howard belatedly conceded defeat, advertising as he did so from the podium sticker that he was beholden to Sofitel Wentworth, in probable future Lieberal leader, Malcolm Turnbull’s electorate, for their hospitality to his wake. His farewell speech was lengthy, pompous and whiny, the gluttonous prime miniature scraping the barrel for the limelight he has craved to the detriment of his own party.

A 6% swing against the Lieberals with the loss of 26 seats so far and Howard likely to lose Bennelong mean the wolves will be feasting on dwarf carcass for some time. 88 Labor seats are predicted at this stage. We are pleased that Fringe readers were perspicacious, with 82% polling Team Rodent would lose.

Good riddance, little Johnny, and may you slink away from public life completely, not to reemerge in the form of a vocal statesman like your more admirable counterpart, Malcolm Fraser. And farewell, Costello, always a bridesmaid and never a bride, your career tainted by rodent droppings and a general lack of guts and ambition. We will never forget how you sold off Whorestralia’s gold reserves BEFORE the gold boom, or removed capital gains tax for foreign investors whilst offering no such relief to us locals.

Rudd’s victory address was littered with painful slogans, directed at the average yob who will today be examining their assets and debts in light of more imminent interest rate rises. Yet at least, Whorestralia can now revel in the fact that we can as a nation participate in enlightened ventures like the signing of the Kyoto treaty, removing our soldiers from Bush’s sordid Iraq debacle and repairing the public health and education sectors. All worthy of foregoing tax bribes for!

The restoration of Whorestralian workers’ protections and rights may have to wait till next July, when the Senate will fall to a Labor majority, though we would not be surprised if the some of remnants of the imploded Lieberals turn tail on their former dearly beloved dwarf leader’s draconic industrial policies.

Good luck to you, Kevvie … and keep the light shining. Breathing multiple sighs of relief, we won’t have to leave the country in disgust after all.

9 comments to A Swing to the ABC

  • Is it that you don’t like women to represent our electorate, is it celebrated women journos in particular, or just a thing you have about the admirable Maxine? Perhaps Bronwen Bishop, Amanda Grindstone or the appalling Puline Pantsdown are more to your taste?

    That you bring up the stereotypical rightard boogiemen/women – women in politics, environmentalists and those terrible, awful unions reminds me of how much easier for exploitative bastards it used to be when humans were not regarded as having any intrinsic rights at all, save but to trample on others’ lives by forcing them to work for them for pittances. And while we are at it, let’s get children back into the workforce too. And damn the environment, profits must come first even if we all choke. Can’t have productivity slipping when one needs to build one’s new yacht, eh. What’s that you say? You worked hard for it through all those tedious business lunches with little Johnny and Uncle Frank? So what if the kids inherit the scraps of one’s banquet, there’s nothing you can do about it except to ensure one continues to grace the head of the table for as many generations as possible, even beyond the grave. At all costs, make them work till they drop.

    Perhaps we should permit only captains of industry, second rate solicitors with tongues long enough to reach Dubyah’s tonsils and the mob of weak Liberal bastards who were unable to mount a decent leadership challenge for 11 years to run for public office in Whorestralia? and yes, our once proud country is reduced again as it was under the repulsive Menzies to a fawning chattel of the warmongering, mercantilist, self-obsessed United Stupids.

    One has to wonder whether you bothered to run for office yourself instead of condemning a credible alternative to the rodent’s irresponsible, prevaricative and ultimately destructive rule, or are you simply another sore rightwing loser or rather, another simple rightwing sore loser? remembering of course John Stuart Mill’s delicious words “Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.”

    We can only hope that any major legislative changes from our new government will serve to educate, if at all possible, those who regard accomplished, intelligent, humane, women ex-journos as unsuitable aspirants to represent the Australian people, and who condemn unions in toto, which serve the needs of WORKING Australians, as opposed to the infinite greed of well-padded elitists who would prefer to shield *their* government, its proven lies, liars and backpocket handshakes from public accountability. Surely you and your mates have nothing to fear from increased governmental and business transparency? you pick out one apple and find a worm – yet I am sure you would agree that public accountability of both government AND business is a *good* thing for us ordinary bogans?

    Change IS threatening to those who have most to lose from it. Yet under Howard, those who were poor had NOTHING to lose, whether you were a sole parent, double income working parents, underemployed, pensioner, working poor, students facing a lifetime of crippling debt to repay half rate educations geared not to the abilities or desires of individuals or for the advancement of any area of learning, but to the crass needs of industry and the insatiable God of Profit, sorry Productivity, whose blessings were increasingly bestowed in correlation with one’s social status, birth and business affiliations rather than effort.

    Under Howard’s mediocracy, the needs of the BUSINESS juggernaut came first, the needs of the electorate for community SERVICES in particular running a very poor second. The electorate, whom you nastily but perhaps appropriately under the circumstances of the rodent’s rule, denigrate as ‘bogans’, ordinary Australians, mediocrely educated, politically ignorant, both marital partners often working fulltime to be able to purchase themselves and their children that which their masters condition them with sledgehammer advertising to regard as essential, did not have much spare time to contemplate an alternative to their mundane work slavery or government. Still, after 11 years, one can expect such round pegs in square holes to have examined their discomfort at least a little and to have noticed the monstrous emoluments of the likes of Sol Trujillo and his executive brethren in comparison to the results of their own grinding, family destroying toil.

    Howard had it arse about. Government and business are there to serve the needs of people and customers. Not the other way round … and so under rodent power, that fascistic cosy relationship which Mussolini described so neatly has become endemic.

    It will take years for the Libs to recover their sanity and balance, and it will take an enormous effort for our new Government to ease away from the undemocratic, polyperverse influence of business and their lobbyists, who serve the God of Profit, not the electorate, no matter how they may preach and prattle about fanciful flow on effects.

    It’s early days for Rudd and co so far – there is plenty of time for intelligent planning before next July when Labor will have the Senate majority, a similar majority to that which Howard exploited shamelessly, removing governmental accountability. The electorate finally noticed his conga line of follies, and made him accountable at the ballot box.

    Good on yer Maxine!

  • Coatsie

    “The eloquent and lovely Maxine McKew…”

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…

    The country needed a change for the better.

    Now we have sanctimonious ex-journalists, slippery, tactless Ex-Punk/Oz Rockers, and of course ACTU stooges lead by a man who when he ran the QLD Premiers Department under Wayne Goss had a Heath Department which chewed up 70% of the allotted budget in it’s managerial bureaucracy alone before the money even saw the light of day or the wards of the hospitals.

    It was announced 97 committees would be formed by a Rudd Govt in September; it’s no doubt even more than that now. I wonder how much they will chew up, without really making any decisions or solving any problems, yet maintaining the illusion the Government are really doing something..? And around the same time Wayne Swan announces that there will be inquiries into the prices of groceries and petrol, however when Barry Cassidy put him under the spotlight on the subject, he admitted there is no guarantee such inquiries will really result in any reductions.

    What a clever little litany of lies were woven into a tapestry of deceit; a veritable cloak of bullshit wrapping the average Aussie swinging voter? Like Linus from Peanuts’ security blanket, with little fibs like whether Work Choices would keep Nurses in the job, when after their employee’s; the State Labor (Nee Labour) Governments had already ensured they wouldn’t be effected by work choices.

    Oh what a tangle web we weave, when we practice to deceive. As Aiden Ridgeway said when he first entered the Senate, the Right will screw you; you know that’s coming from the outset, but the Left will promise you the earth and still shaft you with a smile on their face.

    Maxine McKew. Ha!, thanks, that’s the best laugh I’ve had in ages.

    But what can we expect from someone who refers to us all as “Whorestralia”.

    What a miserable prick you must be to tar us all with that tainted brush.

    Oh, and here’s a couple more cliché’s for you to milk: “Blame Game”, “Working Families”, and of course “Better the Devil you Know”.

    No, not the pop anthem by Kylie, but something the Australian voting public have should have been aware of before they threw the ball to untested liars who answer to Unions, favours to State Governments, pressure groups and alarmist environmentalists.

    They say a society gets the government it deserves. Big Brother, Australian idol, and the bogan public who weren’t even of voting age during “…the recession we had to have” have a lot to answer for.

    Maxine McKew…

  • Roger

    “His farewell speech was lengthy, pompous and whiny, the gluttonous prime miniature scraping the barrel for the limelight he has craved to the detriment of his own party.” Well put. He was no great PM, that is for sure. A stodgy batsman who occupied the crease all day without scoring. I just hope Captain Smirk keeps good on his promise to sail into the private sector at the next election.

  • Hi Nick

    We disagree about the shape in which the rodent (it’s an epithet Howard was given by a Senator in his own party, and I can believe you didn’t know that), has left the country. I think one of the dreadfulest things he bequeathed us with is a subservient insular mentality, a groupthink that has been forcefed with fears of the unknown – the ‘commies’ with which other rightwing monstrosities in the past scared the populace have been transformed into the equally dehumanised ‘terrorists’. Little serious thought is given to understanding the historical development of the problem, or whether actions of those who sanctimoniously claim to be the good guys might have had anything to do with it. Those who use fear to manipulate people need a convenient boogie man – it serves as a buffer between faith and reason. A paternalist government may then sell the myth that they and we, the good guys, are protected by an even greater force … as you mention it, the heroic Americans are thus required to save us. It could be a modern phenomena with its roots in the divine right of kings.

    Craven mass ignorance is largely what Howard has relied upon successfully, capturing the limited imaginations of so many in the past in order to overstay his welcome, to cling unseemly to power. In despicable adulance of his masters, Bush and his puppeteers, and the repugnant religious right in this country, he dragged his own party so far right that they are likely to remain on the outer for many years to come. And even his own party are now blaming him for their invidious position.

    Interesting that you raise the old canard about foreign debt and deficit dragged up monotonously by those who do not either know or care to know that even Howard has given tribute to the Keating government for creating the solid ground for future economic prosperity, a prosperity which Howard wasted no time in squandering on porkbarrel projects, concessions and padding for wealthy, powerful individuals and corporations, tribute to the septic empire, whilst starving our community services and eroding our sense of self-worth as Australians. In Howard’s world, like Bush’s, it’s dog eat dog, us against them. Cooperation is less important than competition. Yet it is cooperation that creates worthwhile civilisations, communities, families and yes, even successful companies.

    I am glad you are wary about your property investment … don’t worry too much – have you ever known the property market NOT to go up eventually? If you are out for a quick buck from property though, you may well be disappointed unless you have wisely invested in a desirable location, like an inner city area. If you hang on, the property market like other financial sectors cycles back and will no doubt approach its zenith again in 7-9 years time.

    So 2 – 3 years down the track, if you are not prepared to stay the long haul. you may well be feeling quite uncomfortable unless you plan wisely for such a contingency.

    The major problem with the housing market as usual is the overwhelming greed and insecurity of those who depend upon a perpetually growing demand for housing, combined with levels of government, particularly local governments, who have not committed to realistic limits and sustainable growth, telegraphing their intentions to the industry so they too can plan, and to consumers themselves. When banks have been forced (was it 9 times under the rodent?) by our supposedly independent Reserve Bank to raise interest rates in response to world economic factors along with inappropriate governmental financial management , then it is new property owners who have overcommitted themselves to achieve the common dream they have been fed who are likely to feel the pinch the most. And perhaps many of them, having thoughtlessly swallowed other consumerist dreams, will not wish to give up some of the luxuries which they believe signal their personal worth to match that elusive ‘home of your own’ or tantalising negatively geared investment.

    Finally, such a delightfully telling exhibition of projections within your post confirms beyond doubt my first response. Good luck, mate, I have a feeling you are going to need it.

  • Nick

    Fringe.

    I fail to see how you have come to the conclusion that Howard was the worst prime minister we’ve ever had. He’s given Rudd the country in great shape, far from the state it was in when Howard became PM and walked into a 96 Billion dollar foreign debt and a 10 million dollar budget deficit.

    Funny you say my dreams are over. Having just entered the property market for the first time, I am now very worried about what kind of a situation we will be in 2-3 years down the track.

    No PM will ever be able to please everyone, but your irrational blind hatred for the man makes you sound like a lunatic. You sound really immature, refering to him as “rodent”, and are probably too braindead too realise how great you have it.

    It’s possible Rudd will actually come though on this. I’m willing to give him a chance now he’s in. But if it goes the way it has with Labor governments previously I’m sure you’ll just keep on blaming old Johnnie, so whats the point.

    Don’t worry yourself with terrorism. America will handle it as always, and, as always be dragged through the mud by the same countries it is helping protect. You just stay in your shell and keep thinking terrorism isn’t a threat.

    You sound like a spoilt little brat. I guess some people will be stuck in the same, narrow little mindset for their whole lives.

  • Hi anna

    Lovely to hear from you. Yes, we are very happy about the outcome too. Intelligence prevailed for once amongst the electorate, and better days are ahead for all sectors in our country except the terminally stupid and greedy.

    It wasn’t my line about Costello … it has been often used to describe the silly sod. Good riddance to him too 🙂

  • Hi Nick,

    There are bound to be lots of people walking round with snarling mouths at the moment who prefer to live in a state of perpetual fear about invaders and terrorists. As for the Kyoto treaty, it will be updated in Bali later this month. Our newly elected and more environmentally responsible government will be attending and participating in global initiatives to curb the disastrous effects of gluttonous consumers in the first world, who produce many times per capita more greenhouse gases than their less privileged third world counterparts.

    Many of those sour individuals who are moaning about the loss of their pet rat are also folks who had no idea that the federal government under Howard starved and blackmailed the states for funding of hospitals and schools. It seems easier for you to blame the state governments than the real cause.

    For some, the rodent could do no wrong as he supported their shallow consumerist greed with endless tax bribes and sweeteners, whilst keeping them in the dark about the effects of their mindless consumption.

    Good riddance to the worst prime monster we ever have had.

    Have a nice braindead day, mate. Your dreams are over.

  • anna

    I am so happy and relieved with the result. I really like your line about Costello “always a bridesmaid and never a bride” 🙂

  • Nick

    “Yet at least, Whorestralia can now revel in the fact that we can as a nation participate in enlightened ventures like the signing of the Kyoto treaty, removing our soldiers from Bush’s sordid Iraq debacle and repairing the public health and education sectors. All worthy of foregoing tax bribes for!”

    Yes, lets revel in the fact we are signing a useless, outdated and largely irrelevant treaty that has already cost New Zealand 700 million dollars in fines and is looking to cost Canada 4 billion.

    Lets revel in the fact that instead of fighting terrorists in Iraq and Afghanistan we’ll soon be fighting them in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane. You think if we leave terrorists will disband and forget about their cause?

    Lets revel in the fact that the same government that is responsible for the failings in health and education at a state level are now in controll at a federal level.

    Do you even have a mind of yourself? Or do you just lap up Labor advertising and take it as gospel?